Diary
By Eva Mittenzwei
Written ten days after her mother’s death, it is not meant primarily as a report of dying, but as encouragement to overcome boundaries and fears. Dying belongs to life and can be natural.
On Friday, 26 June 2015, the author learns that her mother, aged seventy and ill with cancer, can no longer remain alone. Although she first tries to organize weekend visits around appointments and childcare, a gut feeling leads her to pack a bag and drive to her mother’s apartment late at night.
On Saturday the family consults the palliative team. The mother is weak and confused, and a hospice place is not yet available. The physician says openly: if the family can take five to ten days, they should stay at home with her mother and the team will help. The statement is shocking but also liberating because no one has spoken so clearly before.
The family reorganizes life around the dying mother. Her son, daughter-in-law, grandson, daughter and granddaughter share days and nights. Relatives and friends come to say goodbye. The apartment fills with food, music, open doors, sunshine, photo albums and conversations. The grandmother, age ninety-three, also stays; what first seems like an additional burden becomes a gift.
The diary follows the days: feeding the mother as she once fed her children, the granddaughter deciding she wants to see her grandmother immediately, restless nights, hospice support, catheter relief, a coma-like state, heat, fever, cooling cloths and continued contact with the palliative team. The family takes breaks in turns and learns that without pauses they cannot continue.
On Saturday, 4 July, the mother breathes for the last time. Her own mother and a close friend are at her side while the author and her brother have briefly left the house together for the first time. The family takes time to say farewell, lights candles, places personal objects in her arms and receives a blessing.
The concluding reflection is about trust, letting go and daring to accept help from family, friends, nursing service, the palliative team and hospice volunteers. Nothing is impossible when people dare to try. The final days with the mother are remembered as a great gift.
