Martina Hosse-Dolega describes children as wonderful teachers who perceive with open eyes, ears and hearts when something is wrong. Children are close to the thresholds of life and have many resources, including a strong intuition.
In grief support, the essential task is to give children information and allow them to participate. If children sense a situation but receive evasive answers, they begin to doubt their own feelings and perceptions. Honest, age-appropriate information helps preserve their trust in themselves.
Families often seek support very late, sometimes with only days or hours remaining. Then intensive accompaniment may be necessary. Children and adults alike need space for feelings, thoughts and creative expression so that the death of a parent or loved one can find a place in memory while life can still remain colourful and worth living.
The article stresses the importance of reducing distance caused by illness and fear. Children should be allowed to see and feel the sick family member, to be close, to ask questions and to say goodbye if they wish. They should also be included in funeral and farewell arrangements in a supported and prepared way.
Positive images and memories are central. The last time together, the funeral and rituals of remembrance can help fill a “treasure chest” of memory. Kindergartens and schools also need more openness and sensitivity toward death and grief.
In the Palliativnetz Bochum, the team uses tools such as the hand puppet Samson, animals and personal memory objects. A MaPaPu - a MamaPapa doll sewn from favourite T-shirts of the deceased person - can become a tangible memory and supportive soul friend.
The article closes with a call for better public and financial support for qualified grief support. Children can be trusted with more than adults often assume, and families should be able to count on support in all life situations, including child bereavement.
